Counseling Satire Gifts

'There, there, dear -- they're all alike.'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

'What seems to be the problem?'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"After the aversion therapy, please feel free to take home any pie remnants."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'You're radiating negative energy.'

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

Man enters the 'Tunnel of Love' with a nagging wife, but exits alone.

The Ancient Mummy and the Psychiatrist

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

'Even my inflatable dolls have headaches!'

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

"I hate my mood swings."

"You knew I was free range when you met me."