Counseling Humor Fan Gifts

"I hate my mood swings."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Teach me not to care."

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

Fetch the Boomerang

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Can I take your disorder?

Sardine psychologist.

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

"And what can I do for you, Sir?"

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"You've got a few screws loose."

"Our guest is Dr. Paul Veblin, renowned marriage counselor and resident of nearby Southport, where he lives with his 6th wife."

"So tell me about your last poop."

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'