Counseling Comic Fan Gifts

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

Early career fair

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

"I can't cure your agoraphobia, Mr Johnson, if you won't come out of your box."

"I feel we've had a good session today."

"When the spoon ran away with the dish, it broke my heart!"

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'

'There's nothing physically wrong. It needs a psychiatrist.'