Counseling Comic Fan Gifts

"....one minute I'm there - chewing the cud - the next, I get this urge to lead!"

"Death, death, death! That's all he ever talks about!"

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

You were warned about mixed marriages.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'How was my evaluation They really cut me down to size.'

'I know we're supposed to be Lovebirds, but a bit of privacy from time to time would be nice...'

'It's not just his insane jealousy - he also insists on choosing all my clothes.'

Weight of the world on your shoulders.

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'It's all right. You're allowed to get up on this couch.'

Early career fair

'I thought being married to a rodeo clown would be more fun.'

"When the spoon ran away with the dish, it broke my heart!"

"I feel we've had a good session today."

Your Uncle Mort and Sadie are back from Canada. Are they still getting married? Yeah, but they're slowing things down. They're going to talk to someone about their problems. A counselor is always a good idea. They couldn't exactly afford a professional. He doesn't put the bathroom seat down.

"I can't cure your agoraphobia, Mr Johnson, if you won't come out of your box."

'Just because everyone applauded when you dropped your lunch tray in the cafeteria, doesn't mean that you should pursue a career in show business.'