Counselling Satirist Gifts

'Don't trust people Billy, they'll only hurt you.'

You were warned about mixed marriages.

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

Day for day i feel more and more empty.

"It wasn't a farming accident. She just bit my head off again."

Bald Man Overcomb

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'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

'I'm going to refer you to Dr. Keinsorge -- he actually enjoys this sort of thing.'

Lady Liberty's Self-Care

'Actually, I'm a placebo psychiatrist.'

'Right. Like I'd tell YOU.'

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"I've switched from talking to myself to talking at myself."

Psychological Warfare Target Practice

"It's easy. The first step is to entirely change who you are."

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

EAT HAY LOVE One Horse's Search for Everything

"After the aversion therapy, please feel free to take home any pie remnants."

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

'She's underhanded.'

'What I hate most is coming home and having all those damn Harleys parked in my driveway!'

Bald hairdresser recomending hair restoring lotion

'You're radiating negative energy.'

Man enters the 'Tunnel of Love' with a nagging wife, but exits alone.

You do everything in dribs and drabs, Al. That's a valid criticism, Dr. Kapuchnik. From now on I promise to just do things in dribs. No drabs.

Your eyelids are growing heavy … No, wait … Better yet, your lips are growing heavy … !!!

'Tell me more about your programmer.'

"So tell me about your early years on the road..."

"Don't worry. Very soon you'll be back to what passes as normal for you."

Psychiatry. It's funny. You're a germaphobe and the last patient on that couch has a phobia about soap!

The Ancient Mummy and the Psychiatrist

"You knew I was free range when you met me."

Idiots guide to being an idiot.