Conflicted Gardener Gifts

Environmentally friendly woman putting slug killer down

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

Planting Bird Seed.

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

'I SAID you'd threatened to throw them out once too often!'

"I got you some flowers..watered them, too.".

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

"How to deal with weeds."

'I'm out of bags.'

"Ask me anything you want about Water Cress!"

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

How to deal with weeds

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 12

Pyramid Garden

Clown watering his flowers.

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Women look out at overgrown garden as man reads sports section. Wife says: 'He reckons he can't mow it as he's turned it into a wildlife reserve.'

Football fan

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

Why is he always fooling around with plants? He wants to be a robotanist! (Published originally on August 26, 2015.)

"I have a low-cost project you can which you can involve yourself with."