Skeptical Gardener Gifts

MONSANTO

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Planting Bird Seed.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"How to deal with weeds."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'I'm out of bags.'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

How to deal with weeds

Clown watering his flowers.

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A Garden Part 12

Football fan

"911?... Guinness Book of World Records?... 911?

Pyramid Garden

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

'I borrowed Timmy's model plane to crop dust the garden.'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.