Gardening Skeptic Gifts

"Hey, neighbour. It's too early in the year to plant a garden."

Gardener Cutting Tree into 'Rock' Symbol.

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

Bird Torture.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"You've definitely got water retention..."

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Mr McGregor's growing genetically modified carrots!'

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."

Garden genomes.

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

"We could start a band."

'Joe said he had some special bulbs.'

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Notice - Salt Kills

"Lift your stems."

Pyramid Garden

For the new gardener.

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

'This corner of the garden's a bit of a subtropical micro-climate actually...'

Football and Pumpkin

Do not abuse the Lawn

"I love technology. I just programmed this smart tree to drop its leaves in the neighbor's yard."

The festive season brings it's own interesting little chores...and well earned rewards.

'Lawn circles just don't have the same impact.'

"Your cholesterol level is through the roof!! When you die, may I hang you up in my garden for the blue tits..?"

'Watching ant TV!'

Boxer beaten by a rake.