Satirical Gardening Lover Gifts

For the new gardener.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'I ask you, Larry the Landscaper, did you ever, under any circumstances, promise anyone a rose garden?'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

God builds the first lawn mower.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

Crazy paving company.

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

Trump Chia Pet

"Lift your stems."

'Look what my son gave me!'

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

'Dear, I think the plants need watering.'