Satirical Gardening Lover Pillows

For the new gardener.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

Flamingo on a bird table feeding from a shrimp container.

'These spare Christmas decorations make perfect bird scarers.'

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

'Um. . . I don't think that's a candy bar.'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Annual flower having a mid-life crisis in July

Man is injured transporting cacti.

Bird feeder being used by vultures.

Bird baths with two different kinds of water - sparkling and still.

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

"Must've planted those seeds upside down..."

'I ask you, Larry the Landscaper, did you ever, under any circumstances, promise anyone a rose garden?'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'Everybody's entitled to have a hobby. Mine's growing grass.'

Crazy paving company.

God builds the first lawn mower.

A flower beats up another flower - Genetically Engineered plants tend to be more aggressive than naturally grown ones.

"When is it time to stop smelling the roses and suck up the nectar?"

'What if your tree grows, Burl? Won't it choke to death?'

'We want the garden to be stamped with my husband's personality.'

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

Beware Of The Gnome - Look dear how quaint.

'Dear, I think the plants need watering.'

'Look what my son gave me!'

"Lift your stems."

Avoid Constant Borrowing

'Okay dear, it's your turn to go stand in the front yard.'