Skeptical Gardener T-Shirts

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"You have to believe what you're doing will lead to something valuable, even though it probably won't."

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

Planting Bird Seed.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

"How to deal with weeds."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'I'm out of bags.'

How to deal with weeds

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Pyramid Garden

"911?... Guinness Book of World Records?... 911?

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Football fan

Clown watering his flowers.

'I borrowed Timmy's model plane to crop dust the garden.'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.