Messy Gardeners Gifts

Earthing Up

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

Planting Bird Seed.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Clown watering his flowers.

Football fan

Women look out at overgrown garden as man reads sports section. Wife says: 'He reckons he can't mow it as he's turned it into a wildlife reserve.'

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

'Man with birds nesting in hair.'

'Just remember that until you grow into a huge tree, I'm the grown-up around here!'

"Next time I'm feeling low remind me how silly asparagi look while they grow."

Pumpkin

'Don't listen to anyone. I think you're beautiful...even if you are a weed.'

Desert Island

Strimmer (weed whacker) starts to lift off.

'Why do you keep watering it, Dad? - It's not going to grow larger!'

'Council estate garden centre: Old cars, barking dogs etc'

Venus Fly Trap Hat