Gardening Goof Gifts

Gardener Cutting Tree into 'Rock' Symbol.

Bird Torture.

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

"I hate this time of year."

'I imagine you'd like to hear about my progress...'

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

"You've definitely got water retention..."

"I love to hear the pitter-patter-patter...patter of his tiny feet."

'Mr McGregor's growing genetically modified carrots!'

Garden genomes.

"Look—I appreciate your talking to me, and I know you mean well, but you're boring."

"Rudy, if you're playing a video game in there. I'm breaking this door down. Some of us have got to go."

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

"It was my husbands dying wish to be buried in his herb garden."

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Women look out at overgrown garden as man reads sports section. Wife says: 'He reckons he can't mow it as he's turned it into a wildlife reserve.'

'This corner of the garden's a bit of a subtropical micro-climate actually...'

"I love technology. I just programmed this smart tree to drop its leaves in the neighbor's yard."

'As you can see, we take the concept of local food very seriously...'

Man in snow globe clears snow.

Shoveling Snow in Spring

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

'So, that know-it-all Harriet Tuppman says...'

"You raised it from a mutant seed, you whack it."

Sharks Eating Humans at Seaside Restaurants

Hairdresser pruning a vegetable (colour).

'Can't you take 'em down the recycle centre like everybody else?'

Gardening for Beginners - 'Carnivorous plants don't like dog biscuits, I'm afraid!'

"I don't get it. Mom's stupid vegetables are growing but the gumdrops I secretly planted haven't done anything."

Earthing Up