Gardening Goofball Gifts

Man in snow globe clears snow.

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Shoot For The Moon

'And if you squeeze snapdragons just like this, it sort of looks like they're biting something.'

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'The special today is scraps.'

'I borrowed Timmy's model plane to crop dust the garden.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

Shoveling Snow in Spring

'Try not to sit still for too long dear, the convulvulus is really rather virulent.'

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

Leaf Blower Showdown.

It's a letter from my boss...in downsizing he got rid of the watch dog, and now I have to bark myself!

"A backflip with a full twist, handspray pike and a three quarter roll will do nothing to further your cause Mr Laney."