Gridiron Goofball Gifts

Lizard running with football.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

Shoot For The Moon

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

Tunnel of Love.

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'The special today is scraps.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

Time-space portal

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

'More Christmas anyone?'

Man in snow globe clears snow.

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'I hope you replace your divots!'