Whimsical Goofball Gifts

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Shoot For The Moon

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

The Deaths take a selfie.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

Clown uses skirting flower to prevent hot foot

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

'The special today is scraps.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'I hope you replace your divots!'

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."