Party Goofball Gifts

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Shoot For The Moon

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

The Deaths take a selfie.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Congratulations Mrs Marrow, it's a courgette.'

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'The special today is scraps.'

Ostritch Gangsters.

I'm with stupid.

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

'Well, Frank, I've told you a hundred times to tighten your neck bolts, but do you ever listen? Nooo!'