Stadium Goofball Gifts

'Do not even think about it, Ron!'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

Shoot For The Moon

The Deaths take a selfie.

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

'The special today is scraps.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

Time-space portal

(Can't) Count Dracula.

A Magician struggling to pull a rabbit out of a hat as a rabbit watches from the audience.

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'More Christmas anyone?'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'I hope you replace your divots!'

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."