Stadium Goofball Gifts

'Do not even think about it, Ron!'

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Shoot For The Moon

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

"What would you recommend pairing with the school of cod fish?"

The Deaths take a selfie.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'I think we'll have to call the fire brigade again.'

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'The special today is scraps.'

I'm with stupid.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

'Simendinger! Get back to your position and quit hassling the fans.'

(Can't) Count Dracula.

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'I hope you replace your divots!'

"Is the Black Cherry Vanilla Beer Coolie any good? That depends on your lack of taste."

"Ewww....Banana slug hammocks really cross me out."