Goofball Gardener Gifts

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

An Unexpected Guest.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

The Phantom Of The Garden

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

"There's got to be a better way to raise potatoes!"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

Planting Bird Seed.

"Do you think there is life on other plants?"

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

Bug to bug: 'Do you think there is life on other plants?'

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

'Manure, you say? We always put custard on our rhubarb!'

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

Clown watering his flowers.

Football fan

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.

I'm with stupid.