Goofball Gifts

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'Irwin! Get your elbow up!...Good! Now twirl the bat, lift your foot up, put one hand on top of your helmet, stick out your tongue and hop like a rabbit.'

I'm with stupid.

"Honestly sometimes I'd like to pretend I don't know you!"

Turtle bumps turtle: 'WHIPLASH!'

'Now say cheese,no,not YOU!'

Girl who can't cook meets guys who can't fix stuff.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'I found what was making those funny noises.'

Shoot For The Moon

The Deaths take a selfie.

"The world revolves around my cat."

'I'm sorry, Mr. President, he can't come to the phone right now...he's doing that crazy hand jive.'

"Quit chasing carbs, try a protein bar."

"Tonight, we'll be eating hot dogs with a mustard-ketchup-and-pickle purée, accompanied by peas lightly sprinkled with ketchup. Then fettuccine al dente with a ketchup sauce, followed by applesauce maison with a dollop of you know what!"

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

"Yes, you'll probably need to go to an elite university if you want to be able to play foosball at work."

'It's great that you made your own salad, dear, but those aren't croutons, they're dog kibbles.'

L.A.: Still No Pro Football

Two robots are playing table football.

Frank Loved Bubblewrap

'Better get used to player rotation!'

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'The special today is scraps.'

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Man is preparing pizza by the slice.

(Can't) Count Dracula.

'Can you recommend something pronounceable?'

Time-space portal

Two chefs playing foosball using rotisserie chickens.

'More Christmas anyone?'

A mason making a peanut butter sandwich.

'I hope you replace your divots!'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'