Improbable Gardener Gifts

Desert Island Rake

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

The Phantom Of The Garden

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

"Here's the new smart plant...it tells you when you're overwatering it."

Planting Bird Seed.

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

Mowing the Bottle-Garden

Hydroponic Gardening

"Why don't other people ever do this?"

Wet weather footwear - shoes that are shaped like boats.

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'This one here would probably be best for you; It prefers partial shade, needs little watering and grows best in esoteric single-panel cartoons.'

Pyramid Garden

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

'Sewer farm - 100% organic'

Clown watering his flowers.

Football fan

Watering a plant in the rain.

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

The Golfer Gardener

'Man with birds nesting in hair.'