Forgetful Gardener Gifts

"Remember that half-dead sansevieria you put out on the balcony back in January of 1994, pal?"

"Did you forget to tell anyone to water the garden while we were away?"

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

'The attendant is very good. I tip him the occasional sparrow.'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

The Phantom Of The Garden

'Ah, now's there's something different....'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

'I'm in the amusingly shaped vegetables department.'

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

Planting Bird Seed.

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

City Zoo: 'Try our exotic composts in your garden.'

"I #*#*#* hate gardening, I'd much rather be at work!!"

"How to deal with weeds."

"But you told me you were on gardening leave, so why can't you come and help me in the garden?"

'I'm out of bags.'

Sophisticated garden - low maintenance garden

"Gnomeschooling is harder than I thought!"

"I might let the window box lay fallow, this season."

'You've never forgotten that Elsie Turner, have you George!'

How to deal with weeds

'What on earth made you think of growing water melons in the bath Henry?'

"I stopped singing to my plants! I've never had one say 'shaddup!' before!"

'Every summer, dandelions can't wait to go topless!'

Mr. Potato Head raking up leaves.

Bonsai farms: 'We started growing normal trees, but it didn't work out!'

Football fan

With my home genetic engineering kit, I've created massive, politically active vegetables. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. It was an accident, but something feels right. Introducing Meet the Produce. Next topic: Trump. Losing. Winning.

"Now, that's my kind of gardener: somebody who grows dandelions! I love dandelions..."

Clown watering his flowers.

'You're beginning to get the hang of starting the motor, dear, but you forgot one thing...'

'Well Miss Pearson, this flood resistant GM Maize you've developed is pure genius. Giving it gills was a masterstroke'

Man with a sunflower head watering flowers with human faces.