Church Maintenance Gifts

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

'It's not as picturesque as the old steeple but it's saving a fortune in electricity bills!'

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

CCTV in church.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Nun Binning the Devil

Lazy plumber.

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

"It's a cup holder."

'That's GRAVEN images, not GRAVY images.'

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

People bell ringing - 'RING TONES'

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'If the Lord had wanted us to use the metric system, there would have been ten apostles!'

"Walking down here and asking if I can get you some more detergent from the store is just the beginning of my fence-mending agenda."