Church Renovations Gifts

'-and now a prayer for the roof fund...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

"We'd like some scenes from Genesis over here, followed by David composing the Psalms over there, and at the end, let's have Abraham pointing the way to the coat room."

'Decorating on a shoestring'

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

Stainglass Windows '33

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

Growing Churches

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

"It's off-white, but a little too off. It may get very tiring. What do you think?"

"For a little extra we could have got Giotto."

Painter gets stuck in the middle of a room

Irish plasterer working on a church

'We've got to elect someone absolutely scandal-free...'

Building a Church.

Vatican Reforms

Minimalists. What won't they think of next?

'Finial, spire, roof...agnostic'

"Maybe we should change the name of the parish to something cool, like the Protestants do and add a coffee bar."

It's only a sin if you talk about it

Repair of gastronomic centers

Under renovation - please excuse construction

Missing Contractor

"... Of course it's 'a lot higher than my original estimate'. If I'd given you an accurate estimate, you'd never have given me the job."

Cute 1 bdrm cottage next to beach $2500 a month - No dogs.

See no evil. . .

'It's just until we get the other gargoyle repaired...'

Irish PM lambasts Irish catholic church for continual sex abuse cover ups.

'Well, I've changed my mind on the remodel. Something tells me that the demo will be harder than it looks!'

"It's not that we consider ourselves holier than others just because we choose to sit in the front row."