Church Renovation Gifts

F&E Building Movers. Ever moved a church before? The hardest part is the organ transplant.

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"We needed to replace our kitchen floor and it kind of grew from there."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

"If you can successfully complete a building permit for your home renovation, you win a prize!"

'I don't care if they are cheaper...we're not using them!'

'Mary, I believe in historic preservation, too, but ... '

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

'On today's market a property like this could fetch 175k... but with themed rooms, stone cladding, avocado bathroom suite and garden gnomes, you're talking closer to 95..!'

Witch Hardware

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

"Our hobby is finding old, run-down Victorian houses and levelling them."

The Old Woman was thrilled to bits with her shoestring budget makeover!!

"We can't agree on our kitchen redesign."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

A cock up of builders

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Castle Cellars: Bob's Basement Waterproofing

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'I think my husband's DIYed and gone to heaven.'