Church Restoration Fan Gifts

Irish plasterer working on a church

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

Best before 65 million BC.

Bingo's Time Out - Part Three

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

Non-Fiction / Nun-Fiction

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

Adult Barbershop

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

F&E Building Movers. Ever moved a church before? The hardest part is the organ transplant.

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

"He's a hunter-gatherer-tinkerer-fixer-upper-restorer-reseller."

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'Dauber Micawber'

Tea and Sugar Rationing

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

Elvis' autopsy

"I told you she'd had some work done."

Humpty Dumpty

Clowns ready to rescue woman jumping from burning building

Salvage Hunters

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'We need your exact age...'Woodstock Generation' isn't specific enough.'

Sightseeing Bus

"We didn't spot any of the birds we were looking for, but we did have an Elvis sighting."

Union Troops Foraging for Supplementary Rations in Louisiana

'Of course, times have changed. The Earl and Countess now live in that folly!'