Church Restoration Fan Pillows

Irish plasterer working on a church

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

"The note in the bottle said someone's stranded here, but where is he?"

Best before 65 million BC.

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

Non-Fiction / Nun-Fiction

Adult Barbershop

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'..It's just that with all your amazing powers of deduction and elimination, Holmes, I'm just a little surprised that the best solution you can come up with for seeing off the hound of the Baskervilles, is to 'chase them across the moors with a hoover. up

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

Martin Luther's 96th Thesis

'Nice show but you could use some cartoons.'

Tea and Sugar Rationing

'Dauber Micawber'

"This is a very nice thing you’re doing."

"I told you she'd had some work done."

Humpty Dumpty

Clowns ready to rescue woman jumping from burning building

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'We need your exact age...'Woodstock Generation' isn't specific enough.'

'Of course, times have changed. The Earl and Countess now live in that folly!'

Sightseeing Bus

Union Troops Foraging for Supplementary Rations in Louisiana

"Hi, Fire Department? It's Fritzy, again..."