Church Service Fan Pillows

Vespers were about to get a lot more interesting.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

Verger Works

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"If anyone has googled reasons that these two should not be married..."

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

Baptism Then and Now

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"I have an app for that."

CCTV in church.

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

"Amen. Please help me up."