Church Service Lover Pillows

'In view of the clampdown on hate preaching, maybe just a tad less fire and brimstone in Sunday's sermon, perhaps?'

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

Hildegard von Bingen

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"That's our new church mascot."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'Dearly beloved.....and the rest of you.....'

How's my sermon. . .

R.C.I.A.

God is for life not just for Christmas.

"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven

"Since you're into burnt offerings you should come over some Sunday for one of her special dinners."

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

"That was a long three hours! I didn't know you had an extended service plan."

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Angry vicar wakes up parishioner at the Harvest Festival

"10,000 members or not, the Pastor should at least remember my name."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Regular Sermons - Fire & Brimstone Sermons

"Attendance is down again this morning. If we want to continue calling ourselves a congregation, we're going to have to congregate."

How's my Sermon . . .

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

'I'd like to attract them with dynamic preaching, but I'm not above luring them with sugar.'

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

Framed dollar in church secretary office says 'Our First Offering'

"The time has come to reflect and ask ourselves... 'what would Jesus tweet?'"

Churchwarden Talking to Rector

Keyboard in Front of a Organ

"Great sermon! - When it comes to sin, you sure know what you're talking about!"

'How well you did it will determine whether it's 'as good as done', Father.'

Pope Francis

Hymns - Optional Extras

Vicar