Church Modernizing Gifts

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

Drive-thru Church

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

Computerized society.

'And now, concerning the special collection...'

Nethead strip: Fashion sense

Vicar prays for money for church repairs.

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

F&E Building Movers. Ever moved a church before? The hardest part is the organ transplant.

"We'd like some scenes from Genesis over here, followed by David composing the Psalms over there, and at the end, let's have Abraham pointing the way to the coat room."

The new electronic system is efficient, but the garage had to sacrifice parking spaces for it.

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

Stainglass Windows '33

'You can take down your little sign, Marlene, we're switching over to computers on Monday.'

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

Growing Churches

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

'-and now a prayer for the roof fund...'

Monk Synth Bell Ringers

Modern day smoke signals.

'Well Ma, I guess it's time to update our milking machine.'

"Subscribe to receive a new commandment every month."

Alas, Hansel and Gretel had left a digital trail...

'...and to speed up the collection process, donations can now be made by texting 'CHURCH' to 873346.'

I'd like to check my e-mail...

Jeff wondered. Maybe it was time he modernized the company's IT infrastructure.

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

'We've got to elect someone absolutely scandal-free...'

Building a Church.

"It's cool, but you kinda miss the trumpet fanfare, right?"Sign: "WELCOME JOSH!"