Modern Church Gifts

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Drive-thru Church

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

The ten ammendments

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

United Church of OMG