Modern Church Gifts

Bishop looking at 'friends annointed' website.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

Drive-thru Church

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'Let us pray...'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

INTERNET MARRIAGE.

"Don't talk to me in your 'Hey Siri' voice."

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

The ten ammendments

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

The Sleeping Congregation.

Sermon Applause.

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

United Church of OMG