Church Trendsetter Gifts

"Maybe we should change the name of the parish to something cool, like the Protestants do and add a coffee bar."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"You know, Father, they say the Old Testament is the new New Testament."

Pastor wearing sunglasses against the hymns.

"Son of God or not, no one comes to church dressed like that."

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

Stainglass Windows '33

If Adam and Eve were Baptist.

Corruption in the Vatican.

'Here's the state of the art gym, here's the coffee bar and internet cafe ... oh, yeah - and this little thing over here is the new sanctuary.'

"Sorry, I left my credit cards at home!"

John panics as he realizes being first to put money in the offering means people will know how much he gave.

The youth pastor and worship leader compete for the skinniest jeans award.

"Attendance is way up since they substituted fortune cookies for those funny little wafers."

'We've got to elect someone absolutely scandal-free...'

"Hey! Jesus! Shut the door, it's freezing in here. Anyone would think you were born in a barn!"

Big Brother in Monastery.

"Your god can't stop his own priests from raping children in his own churches. So what makes you think he can help you find your T.V. remote?"

Minister taking a bath in the baptistery.

"Rain, Your Holiness—may I suggest the plastic papal vestments?"

New curate discussing the pulpit with his paritioners

"But attendance is up."

1 million flock to see Pope give mass - 'Pope Idol.'

"Cutting edge stuff, Mrs Bellamy - Cordless Bell Ringing."

The Worship Pastor passed out when his skinny jeans cut off all circulation.

"...ok, let's vote. Who's in favour of naming the Church gift shop 'Jesus Christ Superstore'?"

'The church is packed, since I started showing the football on a Sunday!'

'Get with it,Francis-get a skateboard!'

The square halo.

Hank, the neighborhood homeless person was shocked when the lights came on in the sanctuary during his Saturday night bathtismal.

John is asked what church he attends (The First Baptist, of course!)