Church Figure Gifts

'Get with it,Francis-get a skateboard!'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"We should start a church where we only read the parts of the bible that are never read in church."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

Barack Obama's To Do list.

"Freshly ground pepper?"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'Let us pray...'

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Call me 'pops' one more time and I'll lace 'ya one!"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Michelangelo is painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling and a priest comes to check how he's going - 'Michelangelo, what the hell is that? I just wanted a couple of coats of duck-egg blue!'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

The Sleeping Congregation.

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

Sermon Applause.

The ten ammendments

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'Haven't seen you in church lately John?'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Bill hits the ground running, makes a big splash early on, and rides a roller-coaster of insane popularity right into the "Where Are They Now?" Wilderness of Forgotten Celebrities.

"Nice to see you replenishing the font with holy water vicar."

Vicar wearing sunglasses.

United Church of OMG