Cool Churchgoer Gifts

The Worship Pastor passed out when his skinny jeans cut off all circulation.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Priest

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

'Let us pray...'

Verger Works

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

CCTV in church.

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

"Amen. Please help me up."

'Seriously Vicar, I do not think you have seen this guy in the morning service!'

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

When Holy Cows are sent out to "Pastor"