Churchgoer Gifts

"And who is going to be the Godfather?"

'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways ??" except on Sundays, when I take over."

Harold stares at people he thinks the sermon is pertiment to.

'I imagine you were pretty nervous addressing an army of experts.'

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

'I made the top ten on our church's prayer list.'

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

"Why is this certificate all wet?"

"Stop me if you've heard this one before."

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

'My doctor advised me to exercise religiously.'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

"Just because the preacher is from Alabama doesn't mean he's speaking in tongues."

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

Today's Sermon: If you're unhappy with government intervention, try divine intervention.

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

"Hold on there, didn't we just do this last week?"

John Wesley

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Bell notes fall on a bell-ringer.

Toilets in a church: 'Men,' 'Amen,' 'Women.'

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

"No, this is the choir, NOT your backup group."

In The Mining Districts Again.

Early Piety

Curate and vicar talking about W. G. Grace.

"That reminds me. The church pot luck dinner is Sunday."

'Is this like when we tip our waiter?'

116 DAYS WITHOUT A COMPLIMENT

Beth Moore

'We're calling him Noah...'

'I'd like to buy you a pony, Harry, but I don't get to keep the offering.'

And then a voice came down from the Lord...