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"And who is going to be the Godfather?"

'Ed moves that we buy new choir slickers and adjourn for pizza. Do I hear a second?'

St. Paul's Church: Today's sermon - 'What is hell?' (underneath says 'come hear our choir).

Harold stares at people he thinks the sermon is pertiment to.

'I imagine you were pretty nervous addressing an army of experts.'

"The Lord works in mysterious ways ??" except on Sundays, when I take over."

'I made the top ten on our church's prayer list.'

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

"Stop me if you've heard this one before."

"Just because the preacher is from Alabama doesn't mean he's speaking in tongues."

'My doctor advised me to exercise religiously.'

'But why do we have to plough the fields and scatter when we get everything from Tesco?'

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

John Wesley

"Thank you. It wasn't too 'preachy', was it?"

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

Today's Sermon: If you're unhappy with government intervention, try divine intervention.

Toilets in a church: 'Men,' 'Amen,' 'Women.'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

"Hold on there, didn't we just do this last week?"

Bell notes fall on a bell-ringer.

Now with reclining pews.

"Reverend your sermon was divine, naturally."

'And I repeat. Live each day as though it were your last.'

'Er... vicar - does the church have a position on the donation of GM vegetables for the Harvest Festival?'

Curate and vicar talking about W. G. Grace.

Early Piety

In The Mining Districts Again.

'Neat! - This sounds like superhero stuff!'

'Hey, the Preacher is talking about you Dad.'

Priest says to man in confessional: 'Blah-de-blah ... come on, get to the good stuff!'

'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'

Church of divine healing - Emergency Room.

Priest Runs from the Confessions Box.

"It's a new incentive plan...for every dollar you donate, you get to take two dollars off your income tax!"