Churchgoers Gifts

Bingo Addicts...

'Thank you for not mentioning me by name.'

'Mr. Crosgrove's hearing aid needs new batteries. And, hey, I see that I have everyone's undivided attention, too.'

'I hate it when the organist is away on holiday'

Lady about the cross: 'Now that all of us have trusted Christ, this is our family tree.'

Lots of collections at a church service

'But I thought YOU would be the first to know!'

The wages of sin is death! 'Boy, sinners must have a TERRIBLE union!'

"Sorry Paul. The firewood must have been aspen."

Reverend Jerry Falwell.

Four Chanting Monks

"I don't like the way the new pastor is looking at his flock."

"After last week's incident, I'd like to talk about one of the lesser-known Commandments - Thou Shalt Not Heckle."

"Not just Sundays, I think it's a sin for you to play any day!"

'It was all she had to offer, vicar.'

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

The tomb of Edward the Helpful

Christening

"See what we missed. . .? I told you that we should have gone to church yesterday!!"

'Everything is confidential. We don't need to do scout's honor.'

"Maybe if we hold her under longer."

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

'But vicar, our neighbour is an estate agent.'

Sinner/Devout.

Vicar pulls public-toilet hand towel which reads 'The end is nigh'

"During the collection, please remember that the road to our church is currently paved with good intentions."

Curate talking to miners

Today's Sermon: We come into this world with nothing and we leave with nothing. Is there any chance of a bailout?

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"And a source said let there be light."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'