Church Buff Gifts

'Is this seat saved?' Fundamentalism Gone Awry.

John is asked what church he attends (The First Baptist, of course!)

Minister taking a bath in the baptistery.

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

'Are we there yet?'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

Caption Contest TK

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

Bible Bloopers

'Look man, no wings!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'Even More Disciples'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"