Church Buff Pillows

John is asked what church he attends (The First Baptist, of course!)

Minister taking a bath in the baptistery.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

TSA Noah

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Are we there yet?'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

'Look man, no wings!'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Caption Contest TK

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Bible Bloopers

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

'Even More Disciples'

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

Don't tell me fibs! I know ou wrote to the Corinthians, and ya wrote to the Romans, bnot to mention to Galatians, but do you write to your mother?