Baptismal Buff Pillows

The 1st annual pet baptism was also the last

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

Theorbo

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

'Did you bark, M'Lady?'

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

'Are we there yet?'

'No room at the inn, baby born in a manger: It's gonna be a great story to tell at parties...'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Caption Contest TK

"Believe me it's only an apple."

May your Christmas be full of harmony

'Look man, no wings!'

"I love it when your eyes blaze like that; you remind me of Moses."

Bible Bloopers

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'Even More Disciples'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."