Religious Figures Gifts

Nun doing the vacuuming, "It's a spiritual vacuum."

"For your penance, text me 400 Hail Marys."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Vlad the Impala

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

God Sneezes Out Creation

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"All we have left is standing room only."

At the 2021 Religious Games

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Barack Obama's To Do list.

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

Monk Prompt

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'

Dance of the Red (Papal) Shoes.

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."