Religious Leaders Gifts

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

"It's good....but I know these people...they're gonna want specifics!"

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Collection plate at church with signs of the credit cards the church will take.

"But mother, you don't have to call me father. I'm still your son, you know."

Quality Assurance

"Most of the apostles can make it but Thomas is doubtful"

In his youth, Jesus worked as a scarecrow, although he wasn't very good at it.

'I just found out that, instead of God, I've been talking to a temp!'

"No, they don't come into effect from midnight. They come into effect from now!"

'Could you tone down your humility a bit, Brother Jerome? -- Some of the other monks are getting jealous.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'The father the son and the holy spirit split.'

Vatican Reforms

Church in the year 2035.

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Pope's Anti-Abuse Conference

'Well, that was unexpected.'

"Boss, couldn't you do something about the corona virus?"

'Well, here I am at Castel Gandolfo. . .they took away mein ruby slippers!'

'I thought we agreed on a $50 maximum.'

Old Archbishop with zimmer like staff

"Did I hear Spanish spoken in here??"

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

Interfaith dialogue

'I save these for casual Fridays.'

If there were no religion...s

'Evidently, You promised the Promised Land to too many people.'

'Ten Commandants? Sure there is some mistake my Lord!'

Corona in italy

"He is risen."

"And what have you done for us women?"

'Hey! I hope you got clean feet - we have to swim in this.'

'Please come down, Reverend Brewster -- We really DID like your sermon!'

"Oh, for God's sake - let's call it IT!"