Religious Leader Gifts

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

"Remember,this is a one-shot, not an entitlement."

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Trappist talk show.

'I don't make the rules, folks -- I just carry them down the mountain.'

Woman Bishop with vacuum cleaner. Vicar saying 'It's to appease the traditionalists.'

'So, yeah! Take it home, look it over, and if anybody has any feedback my door is always open.'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

"Hold on-I think you got my toast."

"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."

'He only got this job because of who his dad is.'

'Basically, it's a ten-step program....'

'I have something to tell you, Moses...'

'I've been praying for a revelation, but nothing happens!'

"No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting."

"O.K., so the meek shall inherit the earth, and the rich will have a hard time getting into Heaven. But what about the middle class?"

'You mean I have to MENTOR, too?'

"The other five require a subscription to read."

Monk at monastery walks by sign ??" In Case of Fire: Break vow of silence.

'Hello, I'm your new service provider'.

'Can you prove it's your hat?'

"Sometimes I wonder if we haven't carried ecumenism a bit too far."

'Samaritans, mission control'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'It's made out of solid wood and it sleeps eight.'

Politics, Finance, Religion.

'I think we're going to need a compliance officer for these.'

'Did you run them through the spell-check?' (god, moses and the ten commandments)

"No, these are not fake news."

"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."

The Sistine Chapel-circa 1512

Bingo Addicts...

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

Golfing Bishop.