Retired Religious Leaders Gifts

'What will you do now your eminence?'

The Games Man: Fishing is his sole form of exercise - but he considers it bad form to move more than his wrist when casting.

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

God Sneezes Out Creation

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Home depot."

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

At the 2021 Religious Games

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"All we have left is standing room only."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Priest

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'