Religious Retirement Gifts

Inside church reactions to the Pope's resignation...

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Good game."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'Not that net!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"Yo, Eunice – don’t leave me hangin’."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"You've been so good to us all these years. Is there anything we can do to repay you?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"The GPS works great, we have satellite TV installed, the Sirius stereo sounds fantastic and our every move is tracked by Qualcomm. But could you turn around? I left me iphone at the house. . ."

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Woman uses a remote control to turn on the sunset.

"Feel free to take notes."

"I've decided to step down as CEO so I can spend more time with my money."

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

The Solitary 'Pleasure' Fisherman whose one desire is to get away from it all.

"Your contents have shifted."

'This is the only part of my old Army uniform that still fits.'

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

'Life is great' down on the farm.

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?