Religious Life Gifts

'Verger, give me a hand to move the font over a bit. . .'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"We only got six days of funding."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Moses on the web

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

Priest's 'To do' list.

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'