Religion Gifts

Four Questions of the Seder

All-Candy Seder.

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

"I was a dog in a previous life, but I came back as a god."

Evolution or Creation? A Compromise

"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."

'That's just sick!'

'I really do feel empowered. I should've joined a gang years ago.'

Kingdom Hall of Jehovah's Witnesses - No soliciting.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, when?" "This just in" "1. Nobody - 2. A schmuck - 3. Maybe tomorrow."

Creation of Wine

"I just feel we'd know more people in Hell."

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"The Kitmans in 12-B. Tell them Elijah is here for the Seder."

The Encyclopedia of Job

"I can't remember. Are we for or against cloning?"

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

"Remember,this is a one-shot, not an entitlement."

"Go and spread the Gospel. Hide it in colorful, little eggs for the world to find and be delighted by."

'He heard a voice saying: 'If you build it they will come'. '

"We need either bigger needles or smaller camels."

Blessed are the brief.

'Bless me father for I have sinned. I use trans fats in all of my pie crusts.'

"Dear God, Thank you for the nice commandments."

"Are we allowed to pray?"

'You realize, it may take us a while to get up to code.'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

Trappist talk show.

"Wait, people! Let's not rush into a bad deal."

Various Birds of Pray.

Adam and Eve Food Truck

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"Maybe he can't swim."

'Oh, dear! — your baptismal certificate was never notarized!'

"I died in Buffalo."