Religious Teachings Gifts

'I'm afraid, Reverend, that what the large print giveth, the small print taketh away.'

"Not sure that's the graven image of Baal we were looking for."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"We only got six days of funding."

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

Moses separating his Laundry.

Moses on the web

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"