Religious Gifts

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

Nun Breaking Wind

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

"We've been getting complaints about our door-to-door scythe sales."

'I prayed for Sister Barbara - She wears a thong.'

'I take it that's a 'no'.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

Dinner Gong in a Silent Monastery

Pleased to meet you.

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

"Holy moly!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

Moses separating his Laundry.

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Moses on the web