Religious Personalities Gifts

Jane Chastain

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

God Sneezes Out Creation

Night-time halo

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

"All we have left is standing room only."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

At the 2021 Religious Games

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

Cleric with bible briefcase.

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

How to spot the infrequent Mass attendees.

'Sometimes I wish we'd never told him he was adopted.'