Religious Pillows

''Fasting' doesn't mean eating fast food!'

Nun Breaking Wind

'I'm new here-where are all the nuns?'

"We've been getting complaints about our door-to-door scythe sales."

'I prayed for Sister Barbara - She wears a thong.'

'I take it that's a 'no'.'

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

Dinner Gong in a Silent Monastery

Pleased to meet you.

"He overcame his vow of silence by texting on his phone."

"Holy moly!"

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Why didn't he take 8 days and finish the job properly?'

"We only got six days of funding."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"Do you honestly believe we evolved from a single snow flake?"

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"I said he's beginning to teethe...not tithe."

Moses on the web

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"And for my next trick. . . turning wine back into water."